Nothing you do matters. Not really. Not in the long run. There’s an extremely small chance that you will be remembered further than a few generations. And knowing this, it really takes the point out of trying to make an impact on the world. This thought used to terrify me, that in time I am just a speck of dust, entirely invisible. But now I find it liberating. It’s a license to do whatever you want. You can do what you want your whole life and it won’t matter. You can do whatever it is you feel like whenever you want and in the long run, it won’t matter. You’re entirely free to live in your own world, decide how it looks and what you do with it. Honestly, once I learned to start thinking like this, it’s like a weight of my shoulders. I’m not really concerned for my future anymore. That might be a sign of my privelige seeing as I’m not worried about food and shelter and basic necessities, but as the hierarchy of needs suggests, once you don’t have to worry about those, you have a host of other things to worry about.

Consciousness is so weird, and so fascinating. And I want to live my whole life exploring it. I can’t do that if I have to dedicate my time to doing things I don’t want to do. I used to be so concerned with the ideas of traditional success, with what society or other people (specifically my parents) expected of me. But now all those concerns and that anxiety has fallen by the wayside. Nobody knows why we’re here, most of the rules set in the world are man-made and largely unnecessary, in the long run.

The structures in society make sense. I mean, it makes sense how those structures evolved over time. But at some point I think we lost touch of what it is to be human, purely in the pursuit of practicality, techonoligcal advancement, logistics, industry, business, and worst of all; efficiency. We sacrifice so much of ourselves and the planets resources solely in the name of efficiency. Everything has to happen fast, everything has to be on demand, travel should be as short as possible, so you can get from one place to another to do the things you don’t really like faster and more efficiently. Mankind has gone completely crazy.

But whatever. I’m just gonna be on the outside looking in, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. FOR my life.