Plunge into the unknown or remain in what’s comfortable? Challenge my life, dare to fail? Stay, continue with what works, what makes me content. My work, my life, makes me feel nothing, I get no pleasure from my life. I get a small spark of interest from my hobbies but my life bores me to the point of questioning whether or not I want to live the rest of it. But I’ve decided some time ago that I’m not going to kill myself, I will keep going. But to keep that promise to myself I need to do something, I need to set my life in motion, I need to make something happen. It doesn’t have to be anything with a concrete future, it doesn’t need to be planned, but it needs to be something. Every time I think of my future and my plans, I’m always drawn back to the comfort of the job, the life I already have. I know all the moving pieces. My job is easy, and sometimes fun, my life is simple, I don’t have to worry about much. But I’ve been driven to insanity by the contentedness of it. I will go to university in a new city, far from the one I currently live in, I will be older than most of my peers, but I will do all I can to thrive in that new environment. Socially, academically, professionally. I know I can do it, so long as I put my effort into it. I know there’s something in me that yearns for more than this. Something in me that yearns for success, for a sense of completion, for a sense of creation. 

I want to create, to express, to impose myself onto the world without its consent. If I fail I will at least be comforted by the fact that I tried, which is far from what I’m doing now.

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