My brain is awful. Like seemingly half of my generation, I’m incredibly depressed. I have zero hope for the future, I reap little to no enjoyment from my day to day life, and I’m haunted by suicidal thoughts on a daily basis.

I want to talk to someone about it, and I have. But what I’ve found is that I regret it every time. Not because I’m ashamed or scared to be vulnerable, it’s because if I talk to someone about these things, honestly, they get all worried. And I have to deal with them being worried, and checking up on me. Which is incredibly annoying. I just want to tell someone in order to get it out of my brain and into the world, I don’t wanna deal with whatever it is someone might do who hears it. Just let me be depressed, just let me be broken and suicidal. Just let me be.

I should probably talk to a therapist. I’m probably a narcissist, or I have BPD, or something like that. It would be great to have it confirmed, because then I can blame all my shortcomings on that, rather than actually taking responsibility for myself.

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